Musings on Love – VIII

How open should you be when dating?

After a long time during which I didn’t want to date, I came to the point when I felt okay with the thought again. My question now is how open should I be?

I am a very open and transparent person also in dating and I think it is only fair that the other person knows my current state and that I am not 100% over my ex-girlfriend. I know that this might potentially deter a woman who has an interest in me. But I would feel bad when I don’t tell her about this. This dilemma is accompanied by another one.

I think that maybe I should not date at all, but on the other hand I’d love to be together with someone again. I know that reading the articles on my blog clearly show that there are still some feelings for my ex-girlfriend. But don’t you think that one can love more than one person simultaneously? She will always be special to me, but this doesn’t mean that someone else can be equally if not even more special to me.

Now the question, should you hide your feelings then to see how things turn out with a date, or should you tell?

If I ask the question, I also need to ask the opposite question: how would I react when I date a girl who is not completely over her ex? I think it depends. If I really like her I might try to show her that I am a better choice. However, maybe I don’t really have a choice no matter what I do to win her over. Still, if I really like her, I’d at least try. Only if I have the strong feeling that there is no room for me in her life I’d step away.

And I would not blame her for dating. Sure, it might sting or hurt when being rejected, but I understand the need for company and attention. It is a hard road being alone and to become completely fine with that. If that is still something you need to work on (like myself) maybe IT IS BEST to be alone as I am unsure how willing, we are to work on this while being with someone. I mean I don’t know how I would feel when my partner suggests or tries to help me to become more at ease with being with myself :D. However, if the intentions are right then this is probably one of the best gifts your partner can give you.

What would you recommend? Maybe I missed another option?


Take care, Stephan

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